I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
