When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
