you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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