maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
