Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
