i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
