WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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