When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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