U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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