There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
