Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
