i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
