she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
