walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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