And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
