you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
