Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
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