Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
