hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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