Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
