he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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