Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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