1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
