No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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