New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just blew my weed a kiss
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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