i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
