Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
