My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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