We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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