i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Hello my rib-scented angel!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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