6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize