he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
