Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
