just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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