can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
