Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
