thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just want nice things and good sex
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
