well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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