Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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