Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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