I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
