but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
