I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
