Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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