how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
