I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
