Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
