We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
