I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
