I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
